Thursday, July 9, 2015

Meditating On The Afterlife

I feel rather secure in my personal worldview, but if after my demise I discovered the afterlife was not all I hoped for I confess I would be a tad upset.



“Welcome to the Afterlife!”

“Um … thank you? Um … why do you look like James Mason?”

Expectations. Marketing research discovered that if I as your official greeter took on the likeness of James Mason in black tie and tails, the shock would be a little more bearable.”
 
According to Marketing, the black shroud and boney fingers just weren't cutting it
.
“Oh, okay. That makes sense in an odd, but rather charming way. So … what’s next?

“Well, we took a look at your karma score and …”

“Excuse me? Karma score? What do you mean Karma score?”

“Now, now, please relax. Just a few preliminaries and we’ll have you on the way back to Earth as soon as possible.”

“You mean reincarnation!?! I have to go back!?!”

“Well, of course. It’s the way it’s been for millennia. Of course, you don’t remember all your incarnations, but …

“What are you talking about!?! What incarnations!?!”

“Please calm down, please. Let me check here. Ah, yes. You just completed your 487th incarnation.”

“Well, this is rather a bad shock. I thought it was a one cycle deal!”

“Well, it’s that reincarnation amnesia. The only thing that goes back after all is your essence. No memory involved. That's just considered excess baggage.”


“Well, was I ever anybody famous?”

“Let’s see the list here. Ah, no. Actually you've never been famous. You’ve been more or less nothing more than a loveable eccentric all 487 times.”

“Please say I can be somebody famous at least this time around!”

“Oh, no! Forgive me. I did not mean to chuckle just then, but according to your chart you have a couple thousand more cycles to go through before you graduate from loveable eccentric to moody eccentric and can actually make something of your life.”


“Well, then, I’m not going back.”

“Oh, I’m very sorry, but you have no say in the matter. Let’s see here … ah, yes. Cat lady. I’ll see you back here in 80 years after they find you buried under a tragic collapse of 90 bags of stored kitty litter.”

“I’m … not … going … back!”

“Please, there’s no need to be angry, I … GET HIM OFF! GET HIM OFF!”

“ARRGGGHHHH!”

HE’S GOT HIS TEETH IN MY THROAT! HELP! TASER! SOMEBODY TASER!”



Let me make it clear. If it turns out that reincarnation has been the modus operendi all along, I'm not coming back!

1 comment:

  1. You never fail to make me laugh and that's a good thing! Keep it up!

    ReplyDelete