The Loewen Vaguebook List of Immediate Attention Grabbers

If I was to list just one significant irritation with Facebook, it is what is called “vague-booking,” making a post that is so ambiguous, you know the person who posted it just wants to get attention.

Well, as has been stated before, if you need that much attention, better to get a dog, but I thought to myself, “Hey! Why fight it?”

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Loewen Vaguebook List of Immediate Attention Grabbers. Just post one of these suckers, and you’ll get hundreds of “Wait…what?!?!” from friends, family, as well as being unfriended from sudden enemies. Seriously. Give one of them a try today.

• So here I am in the ER…again. Stupid toothbrush.
• So is anybody missing a head?
• Whiskey, melted wax, and my dog make an awful combination.
• The job is done, but there’s blood everywhere.
• I see that some of you sleep in funny positions.
• I think a restraining order is just a piece of paper.
• The family doctor has banned me from his office.
• Well, I’m unemployed…again. Stupid toothbrush.
• I never knew you could do that with 50 feet of plastic tubing!
• When you’re motivated, you can dig a 6-foot deep hole real quick!
• Well, I just learned there are some things you just can’t microwave.
• Google can’t tell me how to conceal a prehensile tail.
• I wonder what I do during my blackouts?

Do remember this is a humor piece. In other words, DON'T ACTUALLY DO THIS.