It Is The Month Of March And My Heart Yearns For Paris

Tonight, my body sits in cold, damp Pennsylvania, but in my dreams, I sit at a very nice Parisian bistro on the corner of rue de Seine and rue Callot enjoying the warmth of a lovely Parisian night.

Though the coffee before me tastes like it was strained through Balzac's sweat-stained linens, it is at least hot. The steam creates a perfect effect as I view Paris through its mist.

Behind me, the Eiffel Tower points toward the night sky, the stars themselves lost in the perennial haze that blankets the City of Lights.

Tonight is a night for toasting young lovers as they walk by my table. I raise my glass to them in tribute to their happiness. Yes, tonight is a night for friends to gather at the bistros, a night for arguing Voltaire and the perversion of eating snails and other inconsequentials.

Later, I dine on delectables at the Café Le Procope while on the stage a woman clad in black sable croons about lost love and a broken heart.

I turn to the lovely young thing dining alone at the table next to me. I nod in appreciation of her beauty and then nod toward the singer. "Everything sounds much more romantic in French," I say to her. "I swear the French could sing '100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall' and they could make the most cold-hearted listener burst into tears."

Alas, she speaks no English and interpreting my comment as an insult dashes her glass of wine in my face.

As the bouncers ignominiously toss me out into the street, I lay dazed on the sidewalk while street mimes act out putting me onto a stretcher for the ambulance. Overhead, the mocking face of a full moon laughs at my despair.

I jerk awake in my cold office back in Pennsylvania, my neck painfully sore from falling asleep in such an odd position.

Forget Paris. I hear Bermuda is just lovely this time of year.