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Xtro II: The Second Encounter (1990) A Review

Made in 1990, Xtro II: The Second Encounter is a sequel in name only to the English splatterpunk film, Xtro (1983). Amazingly, both were directed by the same man, Harry Bromley-Davenport who later admitted he hated the sequel and made it only because he needed a job and the money. You may think that I want to praise the film, but I point it out as an example of what happens when you have no business writing a script or making a movie.

It took four men to script this disaster and not even the presence of Jan-Michael Vincent who was beginning to enter the nadir of his career could salvage this wreck of a film. Dealing with alcoholism, the reason Vincent delivers his lines with all the energy of a sloth is that the director had to individually feed him his lines before Vincent spoke them.

The movie's pacing is interminable, there are logic and continuity problems, and basically, the storyline makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

The movie opens with 3 full minutes of credits interspersed with a helicopter flight going through ice-capped mountains but from the perspective of the helicopter's interior showing the back of actress Tara Buckman's head.

Finally, we get to see an 8-bit computer display of the facility in which the entire movie takes place and the female computerized voice that will act as the chorus to our sad little journey into terrible movie making.

Then we see an interior shot of the place and you will recognize right away that the producer just grabbed some random factory in which to film the movie.

The story line has all the familiar tropes: two scientists in competition with each other, a rude government-type who wants to shut the project down, a moody hero who knows a lot but isn't telling anybody anything, but has the hots for the female lead, a rubber monster who can suddenly appear in different locations with no idea how it could logically travel from Point A to Point B.

Think of Ridley Scott's Alien (1979) and James Cameron's Aliens (1986) combined on a $5 budget.

Unfortunately, in attempting to describe the plot, I will actually make it sound like there is some sense to the story. Abandon all hope ye who enter here. There is no sense at all.

For some reason, the U.S. government has rebuilt a facility to restart the Nexus Program that will enable people to travel to parallel universes. The first facility in Texas resulted in disaster three years before the start of the film when one Dr. Ron Shepherd (Jan-Michael Vincent) blew the place up and, (wait for it), never told anybody in the government the reason for such a dramatic action and somehow he did not end up in a federal prison. Instead, he enjoys a cozy retirement and for the rest of the movie, though he traveled to the alternate universe and knows everything that is going on, says nothing to anybody about what they are facing.

After the pointless helicopter ride intro, we see Secretary Kenmore just arriving at the facility (by car, mind you, not helicopter) and he is just in time to see a team of three people take a foray into the alternate universe. Now they should have sent robots to retrieve air and soil samples, but they send a team of people first and when they finally get live visuals, they are grainy and in black and white. The trio sees some type of globe-shaped structure on the horizon when suddenly they are attacked by something and all contact is lost.

Now evidently there is no oxygen in the parallel universe (no idea how they knew that and the suits they are wearing are not airtight) and if the team is still alive, has only 12 hours of air left.

After an intense discussion on how to rescue the exploratory team, it's revealed that the two scientists in charge of the Nexus Program have strong feelings about Dr. Ron Shepherd, the guy formerly in charge of the Texas institution. It seems Dr. Julie Casserly (Tara Buckman) was Shepherd's former lover and Dr. Alex Summerfield (Paul Koslo) hates Shepherd with a passion that goes beyond all reason. So in spite of the fact that Shepherd blew up the original Nexus Program's Texas facility without ever giving a reason, Secretary Kenmore insists they bring him to the current site to act as an adviser.

"Take me home, country roads!"

So 15 minutes into the film, we get to meet the film's hero played by Jan-Michael Vincent and who looks eerily just like John Denver, the late folk singer.

Anyway, once again Shepherd refuses to reveal why he blew up the original facility, but he agrees to come and find out what has gone wrong and offer what help he can.

In the meantime, Dr. Summerfield assembles a military rescue squad of four of the oddest most eccentric military men possible: Colonel McShane (all business military guy), Zunoski (a New Age hippy), Baines (played by Nicholas Lea before he became famous in TV shows including the role of Alex Krycek in X-Files), and finally, Mancini, a long-haired, smart-mouthed guy with a foreign accent.

These guys are military. Right.

Anyway, at a group meeting, Shepherd encourages the military people not to go into the parallel universe and once again refuses to tell anybody what happened the last time he himself made the journey. However, the viewer will never get a chance to see an alien world anyway, as one of the original trio, Marshall, the crew's sole female, somehow returns and is in a coma. No neat trip to a parallel universe for us. The budget wouldn't allow it.

Well, here's a spoiler for you: Marshall is pregnant with a monster and when she does wake from her coma for a moment, she scratches Dr. Summerfield on the neck infecting him with some mutational disease of some type that nobody ever knows about so no explanation is needed.

The monster is born and escapes into the air ducts (you never saw that coming) and while the facility is being evacuated, the AI computer that runs the facility locks all the doors trapping the four military guys, as well as Drs. Summerfield, Casserly, and Shepherd. And the AI is going to set off a nuke within a certain number of hours to cleanse the place unless the source of the "bio-hazard" is removed.

Respect the amount of rubber that went into this.

Cue the increasing body count, the monster who can impossibly appear in places that are not linked together, Summerfield losing his mind as he mutates into a monster himself, lots of screaming, and lots of rip-offs from the Alien franchise.

And then cue an ending that makes absolutely no sense at all.

No...sense...at...all.

What puzzles me is that somebody sat down and thought this was a great movie to invest in when even some of the worst writers I know could have taken this incomprehensible mess and at least made it understandable.

Wonderful Trainwreck Quotes

I read a story in the public domain and relished the delightful train wreck that it was.

For your amusement, here are some direct quotes from the tale that prove revision of your work is sometimes a really, really good idea:

• In her mind was something dark, grotesque as it was something watching her from deep in her emotional psyche.
•  … sometimes weird things happen to the writers and they share their experiences - sometimes they experience things that would be in the imagination of the fringe genre called bizarre…
• "Every graphic detail right down to the severed hands," Michael replied while inhaling on a square.
• Michael stepped inside, it was growing deathly cold as his breath was able to be seen outside and the days waned into night.
• It was a few hours later when Michael finished his beer and smoked his last cigarette.
• "So this is a bit tattoo writing weird fiction stories with actors and authors as characters then doing perverse things to them," (writer means ‘taboo.’)
• She was staring into the darkness at this point, and in her mind were bugbears that were dark, surreal and wandered within her emotions. (I'm putting this gem on a t-shirt.)
• "This diner, is one of the creepiest damn places I ever seen," Karen replied as she felt the goose bumps crawl up her flesh. "It looks like it was decorated by R.L. Stine."
• "A Hardline Republican, that is rare.”
• “Conservatives have a darker imagination because they explore subject matter such as a liberal's nightmare and see it from a nightmarish way."
• She kept thinking of Cicerone's dark nonfiction stories relating his horrors dealing with his health, acute cases of bronchitis where he was vomiting vast amounts of blood.
• "He was influenced by the books Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark.”

My PowerPoint Presentation on Self-Publishing For the Library of Congress

I have the honor of speaking at the Library of Congress on Tuesday, June 21st at 12 noon and I have taken an hour-long PowerPoint presentation and boiled it down to a few minutes. Much will not make sense without my talk to go along with it, but for my fans who can't make it, you'll get the gist of the presentation.

You can view the video directly on YouTube by going here.

The music has been put into the public domain by its creators: Everybody, by K-391

You can visit K-391 on their homepage here.

Reading The Shrine War For Critique

Last night I did a dramatic reading of the first 4,200 words of The Shrine War for two editors.

It was humbling, embarrassing, and exciting and informative at the same time. This morning, I went over the manuscript and made some excellent changes. Here's one paragraph they had me rewrite, but the result creates a much better mental visual of an Inugami (loosely translated as dog spirit), a legendary Japanese yōkai:

She was an anthropomorphic dog that stood on two legs, a Kishu Inu transformed into an Inugami by a black and evil magic. The long, ebony-colored, unkempt hair on her head spilled over her muzzled face and shoulders, in sharp contrast to the dirty white fur and bright, amethyst-colored eyes. She wore a sarashi, a long strip of cotton cloth tightly binding her breasts. A fundoshi, a traditional loincloth, served as a token to modesty. Over her undergarments, she wore a short, open kimono, stained and travel-worn; a  brown sash tied around her waist held a sheathed katana. Around her neck on a heavy chain lay a jet black polished stone, a contrast against her white-furred chest.

“It comes dressed as a man,” Chiyo muttered.

“She comes dressed as a warrior,” Sen quietly replied.

I think you can easily visualize her now and, needless to say, everything is still in rough form. Compared to revision, writing is the easy part and for me revision never stops until I come to the point where I'm just pushing words around.

WHO LET A %$#@& DUCK IN THE BUILDING?!?!

Today I was at Green Ridge Village to take my mother to a skin cancer specialist (she's fine...no worries) and some...let's say a misguided soul allowed a wild mother duck and her five ducklings into the building.

Much screaming and madness and duck flight ensued while I'm yelling, "Calm down! It won't hurt you! IT'S! A! DUCK!"

This Is Not the Face of Death. IT'S A DUCK!

I tried to grab it, but unlike in my youth when I was a park ranger at Caledonia State Park and could grab black rat snakes in mid-strike, at the age of 61 I discover I am too slow to grab panicking ducks. Eventually after much mayhem we herded it out an open door.

I found out later this is not that uncommon an occurrence and again, reason rears her lovely head and I am forced to ask, "What idiot allows wild ducks and the associated ducklings into a residential building filled with old people?"

PS: I lied about grabbing a black rat snake in mid-strike. I actually only did that once. The rest of the time, I gave fascinated park patrons a chance to see what a nonpoisonous snake bite looks like of which I accumulated quite a number trying to repeat my Chuck Norris moment.

PPS: A nonpoisonous snake bite can hurt like the little dickens, let me tell you.

PPPS: Sorry for the implied vulgarity. Normally I keep my language sparkling clean, but you cannot maintain an aura of dignity when chasing a flying duck down a corridor filled with screaming people in wheelchairs and walkers.

PPPPS: No, it was NOT ME who let the duck in the nursing home.