Friday, September 9, 2016

From My Bucket List

Do you have a bucket list? I have a bucket list.

One item on my bucket list is to attend a Baltimore Orioles game when they are playing the Detroit Tigers. At the bottom of the 9th, the score is tied 7-7.

As the game commences, a man sitting three rows below me and one who has been acting ill throughout the game suddenly keels over and arises as Patient Zero of the zombie apocalypse.

As the carnage and violence erupts all around me, Orioles pitcher, Kevin Gausman, oblivious to the rampage in the stands, throws a curve ball to Miguel Cabrera who catches the ball right on the sweet spot of the bat.

As the ball soars through the air and into the stands, as I face off against a zombie, the ball strikes it squarely in the temple, dropping it like a stone. The ball bounces right into my hands and there, amidst the havoc, I stand on the Big Screen holding aloft the winning ball with my arms held in a V for victory.

At his home, George Romero, watching the game, begins to weep in naked jealousy.

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