Me and the Whining Malaysian Nose Flute

Years ago when I was but a small twig, I was touring the Smithsonian Institute in Washington, D.C. when I came across a case of exotic musical instruments.

There nestled among the outre and bizarre things humanity has built to make melody was a hollow stick with some holes in it. The little card underneath it said "Whining Malaysian Nose Flute."

And for the first time in my life I fell madly, passionately in love.

Say the words out loud. Go ahead. Allow the words to roll of your tongue and marvel at the wonder and the questions that come to your mind.

What does it sound like? Why would somebody invent something like this? How do you play it when you have a head cold?

My mind rolls back the centuries and I see a nerdy looking Malaysian guy. He's sitting there and suddenly he is struck with a Eureka! moment.

I shall, he says to himself, invent a new musical instrument!

It shall be a flute! And I won't play it with my lips. Oh, no! How common! How vulgar!

I shall play this one with my nose.

And it won't be melodious. We have too many melodious flutes in this world.

Mine will whine.

And thus was born the Whining Malaysian Nose Flute.

I want one.

I want to hold one in my hands before I die and if the gods look upon me with favor I shall, first making sure it is clean, put it to my nose and bring forth whiny music into the world.

It is my dream.